The Light in the Darkness of My Head
by IWishUWouldLoveMe255
Summary: When darkness consumes you, find your light switch. He was mine. Joker/OC.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi. So, this is really dark. I have never done a Joker and OC story because I don't really like OC with the Joker. I am a Harley and Joker fan. **Big time**. This first part doesn't really have Joker in it, it just sets the mood. A very dark one. Please be mindful of the rating! Enjoy.

**The Light in the Darkness of my Head**

_When darkness consumes you, find your light switch. He was mine._

Chapter 1: Symphony of My Mind

_The days are dark when you're not around,_

_The air is getting harder to breathe,_

_I wish that you would put me down,_

_I wish I could go to sleep~_Rihanna "Suicide"

Tapping. Always tapping. Tap, tap, tapping.

But when it starts dripping, it never taps. Always drips. No room for anything else. Drip, drop.

Then comes the finale to end the entire orchestra that echoes throughout my empty, dark room. The knocking. I can't understand why they have the need to knock, but they do. It doesn't come till a certain part, the end of my music. That's when I realize it's me that's making the noises, the music. The doctor tells me it's in my head. I wouldn't know. It's so stuffed, I don't know what's mine and what's the monsters.

But, this time, my music is interrupted by a sweet sound. It was loud so that means it was by my door. It was on the move and I was more than willing to follow. I got up and walked to the door that split me from the world, from the sweeter music than my own. I peeked out the tiny slot to see a man. A man with a broken smile, an advanced mind set, a high sense of humor, and a cracked heart glued together by the promise of the world that kicked him when he was too down to stand up in the first place, burning down to the level he was at.

Of course, being locked up, I couldn't follow the music. I don't know what I would have done if I did follow the person, the composer. He wouldn't want to see me. I'm a nobody, here in a place full of crazy, forgotten nobodies. I am not crazy, nor am I forgotten. Which, is not something I enjoy. I don't want to be remembered, thought of. I wish I could just be another resident here in this place full of crazy, mad demons haunting the innocent and the not-so-innocent people. No, I am still remembered by the ones who "love me". If you ask me, they did them selves a favor! Nobody wanted me around, so they shipped me off. Why they remember the daughter or the friend they didn't want is beyond my knowledge. I say they are the crazy ones, the blind ones. They are blissfully unaware of the pain they subject to me everyday.

Though I'm painfully aware of the fact they don't want me, it still hurts. I guess that part of my mind still believes that they actually want to help and they want me to come home and be the daughter they thought I was. That was the mask I wear. Everybody believed it, nobody broke it. The monster liked it that way, the mask did not. It wanted to be broken, to have the monster exposed to the light. Never has been though. Not even by the friends and family I grew up with, have been with my whole life. They didn't know until it was almost too late to do anything anyway.

Mother says she was devastated, doesn't know where she went wrong with me. Steve was appalled by the sight of me, pretending he wanted me to be alright after they found me. Yeah, right. All my friends and teachers, they were shocked. Said I was a nice girl, didn't suspect a thing. Like I said, no one did. I tried to tell my best friend that I was raging a battle, inside my mind, and losing fast. She told me to just get over it, it was a phase. I would be fine tomorrow. The mask was furious! I called her my best friend and she didn't even notice. The monster just smiled in triumph, knowing it won. So, for revenge, the mask said fine. That night, I felt no sadness. Just pain. That's the way it likes it, no guilt, no repulsion, just pain.

I guess the final straw was not anyone else, not my friends, not my family. It was none other than yours truly. I finally stopped and thought about my life. I was throwing a temper tantrum over a few little fights? So what, Steve didn't want you as a child? I was disgusted with my self when I thought about people who have real reasons as to why they do what they need to do. I was doing it for no reason, and still had the audacity to try and claim depression. "How dare you!" the monster yelled, finding my thoughts as something it could turn into something much worse than simple thoughts. "You, lazy, stupid, fat you, are claiming your depressed?! I say you are just hungry for attention! You want people to notice so they can write books on you and just hand everything to you because you are lazy! I'm disgusted by the mere thought of you!" it roared. I guess it was right.

My doctor was nice in the beginning, trying to get me to open up. I never did. By then the monster had control, of course. It didn't want to hurt anyone else, just me. I can barely remember a time before it, to lost in my dark thoughts of my own end. One time I tried telling my doctor what she could do, how she could help me in a battle already lost. What I said, was something I never meant to come out of my lips.

"There is nothing you can do to help me, 'doctor'. I am beyond help. You should just shoot me before I turn really mental on you. Put me down like the dog I am."

I didn't mean it, it was the monster. The look in her eyes almost caused the monster to destroy the very four walls of my mind. It was outraged by the look of sadness in her eyes. She told me she could never do that, that if I believed, I could be cured. The monster screamed and thrashed at anything and everything.

Then, all went black.

I didn't hurt anyone, just myself. Bruises, scratches, things like that. I didn't feel it though. I got used to the pain as though it was my skin. Something you can't remove, but sometimes you just really want to try, to see how far you get before you bleed out.

A picture comes to mind. Pool of red, white room now stained with the red juices that got spilt . Me in the middle of the pool, swimming in it like I used to swim in the lake when I was little. But no longer am I that happy, full-of-life little girl. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm just a lost soul, swimming in the red that I couldn't live without.

That's why I spilt the red juices that course through my veins.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok, so normally I won't put A/N at the beginning unless it's important. I just wanted to warn you guys that Jack's POV is not very good and if you guys have any suggestions on how to make it better, let me know! Enjoy.

Chapter 2- The Crazy Ways of the Crazy People

_You got chased on your face _

_You got some scare in your hair_

_You got some rock in your walk_

_And some hips in your slips_

_Stop running_

_Stop hiding_ ~Alice Cooper "(In Touch With) Your Feminine Side"

Knocking. Always knocking.

Knocking to get my attention. Knocking to open a door inside myself, one that I don't like open. Who knows what could come crawling through that door, threatening to rip me at the seams.

Knock. Knock.

It always comes. I knew it would. Some time, the knock always comes. Pulling me back into reality, my savior from the darkness of my small, cold cell. They knock to take me away from it, giving me peace from the monstrous voice in my head. An easy get away.

They open the door, letting the light rush in, consuming me. Chasing away the darkness of the night that is my life. They pick me up, as if I can't walk on my own. The guards carry me away to the small white room with a table and two chairs. I sit down in the chair, waiting for my 'doctor' to dig into my head, to fetch the monster and bring him into the light.

She comes in, looking as any normal doctor would. She sits down and pulls out a pencil from her pocket. "Hello, Kia. How has your day been?" she asks in her professional voice. It's then the monster finally speaks up. 'She is being paid to ask you this. She really couldn't care less about you if she tried' it hissed in its low, dark voice. Again, it was right. She was being paid to ask me these questions and she really probably didn't care about how my day went. Another reason they really shouldn't have called 911. Well, at least I was making someone money. There's a plus…

"Kia? I asked how your day was." She said again. I didn't answer her. It's ok. I know I'm doing her a favor because she doesn't care. We can sit in silence until my hour is up and she will get paid and I will go back to my prison of darkness. "Alright. Guess not. Ok, well that's fine. I actually have something I want to talk to you about. I am moving you to my group therapy. I think it would be good for you to stop isolating yourself and talk to some people. What do you think?".

The monster laughed, growling out, "_yeah. Right. Her screwing up other people's lives will benefit her. Look how selfish she thinks you are! Hahahaha!_". Gee, thanks doc. You really are helping me.

"Whatever" I grumbled. I didn't really care. How bad could it really be? "Great! Well, our first session is actually right after this one. So we will still get some one-on-one time. I want to look back at our previous session. You said that you think everybody else thinks of you as a problem in their life. Will you tell me why you think that?" she asked.

"I don't think that, doctor. I know that" I whispered.

"Ok. Then tell me how you know that."

A memory came into my mind. He was angry that day, really bad day at the office. He came in late, must have stopped by the bar before he got home. I was in my room, doing homework. I heard him yell at my mom. She screamed back and then I heard the sharp sound of flesh hitting flesh. I stood up and ran to my closet. I got in and locked the door, crouching down into the shadows. He flung the door open, yelling out my name.

I could hear the footsteps approaching; see the shadows outside the door. He kicked it down, hitting me with the door and cutting my forehead.

That was going to leave a mark for a few days. Nothing I couldn't cover though.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? God, you are so pathetic! Look at you! You look like a child! A useless child! You are NOTHING! Get it through your thick! Stupid! HEAD! You make me sick. You and your little problems that no one could care less about! Now I see why your real father left. You are just a problem to everyone"

The day after that was pretty hard to get through. Not only did I have to wear long sleeves to cover the cuts his words made, but I had to wear about ten pounds of make-up.

"I know that because everybody tells me. It doesn't have to be in words. It was in their eyes or their actions towards me" I said, snapping back to this cruel reality. "I'm sure they didn't mean it like that, Kia. Maybe you were just over thinking things. Maybe you dug too deep into their words. See, some people don't really think about how much they say or do something will affect the other person. Maybe you should give people another chance and stop reading into everything. People may be mad at you one day, but that doesn't mean they will be mad forever". Great, now she was going to lecture me.

If she thinks people can't be mad forever, she clearly hasn't met me. The real me. I am so mad at myself, and forever isn't a long time for people like me who anticipate the end. How can I get help from someone who doesn't know _me_?

I was silent for the rest of our hour, not wanting to hear her. She just looked at me with her judging blue eyes. I could tell that she was very disapproving of me and my thoughts and feelings. I could feel her piercing gaze and I couldn't take it anymore.

"What do you do in this group therapy?"

She looked surprised that I was finally talking. "Well, we go around the circle and talk about our current problems or concerns. Then as a group we try to come up with solutions for that person. You'll see in just a minute because our hour is over." She said, smiling and collecting her things. "I can take you down there myself if you want." she asked.

"Sure"

This dark prison reminds me of an Alice Cooper music video. Everyone here is crazy, mentally unacceptable. People screaming from their cells for release from the madness holding them captive in their minds. As we walk down the hall to the meetings room, I realize that Anthony Perkins was right when he said that we all go a little mad sometimes. But these people are truly mad. I don't really think I am; don't even know why I'm here, actually. So what if I haven't been good to myself? Not everyone can be comfortable in their own skin. I wasn't, so I tried to cut it off. Maybe that's why I'm here…

We walked into a room with some chairs in a circle. Few people were here, some coming in right behind us. "Hello everyone!" Dr. Collins said cheerfully. "We have two new people joining us today. Kia will you sit next to… where's Jack?" she asked looking around. By now there were only two seats left open, 15 of us crazy people total.

All of a sudden I heard my music again. Could it really be my angel of music has returned to me? I turned my full attention to the doors, waiting for his light to show.

What I saw wasn't light. It was darkness that surrounded my beautiful musician. But this kind of darkness didn't make me feel scared or afraid; this one was one I welcomed. This darkness was a dark kind of light to me.

He had a head of dirty blond hair with faint traces of green in it. His eyes were that dark brown that looked almost black. Beautiful.

Jack's POV

Laughing. Always laughing. Gotta keep laughing. Hahaha…

These guards are not very nice. Like my father! Hahahaha! Oh he is gonna get what's coming to him! "Hellllooooo, ladies and maniacs! Hehehehehaha!" I cackled loudly. Everyone one looked so… fun to mess with! This was gonna be better than I thought! The guards put me down in a seat next to some girl.

"Hello Jack. Glad you could join us" that lady said. I wasn't listening. I was too busy making funny faces at this patient. The guy was freaking out! What a nut-ball! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Ok. So today, because we have some new people joining us-Jack, please stop that". Who was this lady and why is she interrupting my fun?! Oh, that's the doctor. Hehehehahahaha! Well I will get her too! I will get all of them. As soon as I get out! They are all going to PAY for what they did to me! Just wait, they will regret putting me in here.

"Anyways, today we are going to start by going around the circle and saying our names and our favorite kind of food".

"What are we, kindergarteners?" I hear a small voice whisper.

I looked over at the girl sitting next to me. She was skinny and had black wild hair with red streaks. She looked about my age. Why was she here?

Kia's POV

I am a teenager. I don't really care what these peoples favorite food is, nor what their name is. I could see Jack (apparently that was his name) was making funny faces at this one other patient. The guy was on the verge of tears. I could feel myself start to smile and I almost giggled. Almost…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Help me Stop These Voices in my Head

_She's pulling down her long sleeves_

_To cover all the memories that scares leave_

_She says, "Maybe making me bleed_

_Will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"~_ Britt Nicole "When She Cries"

Jack's POV

_What in the world are you thinking? You have never, NEVER, taken interest in someone else. You need to focus, Jack! We have to finish our plan; we got to get out of here! Focus._

How am I supposed to focus if you won't shut up? I have to think. I need to find myself an opportunity to get out. Just got to think.

…Ugh! This thinking thing is hard! This sucks. I can't think about it anymore. Not now. I have a headache. I think I have another group session today. Oh, great. Last time was just terrible! They talked about their 'feelings' and 'problems'. Then they expected me to help them with it! I don't help other people. That's not my job! And that Kia girl! She didn't talk very much. It was her first time too.

_Will you stop thinking about girls? She is in here for a reason! She is bat shit crazy! Let's just get out of here!_

Ugh! STOP IT! SHUT. UP! I will think what I want to! Leave me alone!

I had to shut it up. I started beating the wall, banging the door. But, all it did was laugh.

Kia's POV

Singing. Always singing. The wind never stops singing.

It was singing now, making the leaves dance to its beautiful music. I longed to hear the song that the wind chose to sing today. I wanted to lie under the tree and watch the leaves waltz to her musical sounds. But no. I was stuck in my dark cell, a place where her music could not reach. I'm gonna enjoy it while I can.

"Can you open the window please?"

Dr. Collins stopped what she was saying and got up to open it without question. She has learned that if she questions my words or requests, she will get no answer. I felt a rush of cold wind on my face. It was cold and unfamiliar. The wind has forgotten me.

"As I was saying, with more of these group therapy sessions, I think you will be back to your own self in no time" she said. I stopped my thoughts about the wind and took in what she said.

I have always been like this, can't remember a time before. It must have been a happier time. Anytime is happier than this. The wind knew me back then, I think. Even before I came here, I would go outside and she would welcome me with her open arms. I loved to sit under the tree on the hill in my backyard, listen to the music and the leaves talking to each other like they were at a fancy masquerade ball. Oh how I would have loved to wear a big pretty dress and a mask to hide who I was. I could blend in so well; maybe even get a man to ask me to dance. He would hold me in his arms as we danced together as one.

But that will never happen. No man would want to dance with me without a mask. It was just fantasy. One that I can't live in forever.

"Can we have a group session outside?"

"I don't know about that. We would have to take guards. I don't know if some of the other… patients can go outside just yet. I would have to ask permission".

"Please?"

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I think I hit something. All I asked was please. I need to feel the wind.

"Ok. I will see what I can do".

That was all I needed. I got up and walked to the door. "Thank you".

The guards walked me back to my dark cell, my darkest nightmare. I heard screaming and yelling in a few cells down from mine. The guards shoved me in and ran to find out exactly what I wanted to know.

Now what?

Now, I sleep. I need it. I haven't slept in days, it seems. Time to dream of that feeling of freedom, that feeling of that man in a masquerade mask. The man I always see in my dreams. Time to go peacefully into his warm and loving arms.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Ugh. I was almost there, almost in his arms. I hope this won't talk long. Last time seemed to drag on forever. I feel weak when I stand up, struggling to get to the door. They open it and lead me down the same hall I went down yesterday. Funny. Days go by but things stay the same, nothing changed. Nothing will ever change. This is my life. I can't take this for much longer. I might actually go crazy if I spend too much time in this God awful place.

I claim the seat I had yesterday, right next to Dr. Collins. All the seats are full, except his. Of course he is late, always has to be the center of attention. How can he stand to have all those eyes on him, judging him?

I could never do it. Their words hurt far worse than any blade against my skin, digging into my veins. I guess I will never know why someone would want to live in the spotlight. When he walks in, everyone is already sick of him making a big deal about himself.

As soon as he was done showing off and he took the seat next to me, we got started.

"I'm….. I'm so lonely! I need…..someone! I need someone. Anyone! Gottta have something… I need love! I'm not an alien?! Am I….?" some chick said, ending my going off about how aliens 'do too eat cheese cake'. Whatever lady, good luck with that. I was just about to close my eyes and get some sleep, until Dr. Collins put me in the spotlight.

"Kia. What advice do you have for Shelly?"

I don't know, stop thinking about aliens eating cheese cake? "I don't know" I said instead.

"Well what would you do?"

"I would… I would try to make friends. I would be nice to everyone, talk some more. Open up to people. I would make sure that if I was going to find someone to love; I would make sure that that person will love me no matter what. That he would stand by my side for as long as my lungs fill with the air he breathes. I want someone who will help me fight my demons, who will keep me safe no matter what happens. I want someone who will tell me that I am the reason they keep on breathing, just so they can watch me breathe in the breath they put out. I want someone who is willing to die for me. "_Even if saving you sends me to heaven~ _The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 'Your Guardian Angel'".

Everyone was silent. Huh, I thought I did well.

"Wow. I would've just said to stop talking about aliens and get some work done on your face. I guess your way works too! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jack said.

Was he laughing at me? Who does this guy think he is? Shelly started crying. I was sick and tired of having my thoughts and feelings stepped on by people like him!

"Well I guess you would know about having work done on your face. Personally, I think the next area you have to get work on is your personality! People don't like it when they can't breathe because _someone's_ EGO is taking up all the space in the room!" I screamed in rage.

He was silent for a moment. HA! Who's laughing now?!

"Yes, you know all about not breathing because NO ONE wants to breathe in the air _you _put out."

I'm not the one laughing anymore. I hope he is just having a blast laughing at the look on my face, know that he has crushed me. I got up and walked out, ignoring the calls of my 'good' doctor. I ran into her office, seeing that it was unlocked. I walked over, looking for anything, ANYTHING, to relieve the pain I feel.

Bingo.

I found a knife inside her lunchbox. I grabbed the knife and a whole roll of paper towel that she had in her desk. And she thinks we are crazy? Who keeps a roll of paper towel in their desk?

I ran to my room before any guards could see my small, sharp punishment. I closed the door and sat down. Was I really going to do this? I could hear the words in my head; hear the monster laughing at my sadness in the background.

_"Yes, you know all about not breathing because NO ONE wants to breathe in the air you put out."_

Why can't people just stop beating on my feelings and my thoughts? Why can't they stop yelling at me to pull the fucking trigger and then stop me before I can?!

Before I knew it, the knife was at my wrist, creating a trail of dark red behind it as it continues on its path of killing me. The pain doesn't help, doesn't give me something to keep my mind off of the pain. It's not a test to see if I can still feel pain because I know I can feel pain. It's a test to see if I can still feel happiness. I guess it's not me feeling happy, it's the monster. But it's still happiness, none the less.

Jack's POV

What would she know about my personality? God, is everyone like my father these days? Hahahahah! People are so mean! Oh well. She deserved it! They all do, every single one of them! They will pay. She will pay! I will make sure of that.

Who is she anyway? She doesn't know me, who is she to judge?! Ugh! Why is she getting on my nerves? She shouldn't have said that! Now I'm mad! I thought that maybe we could have been friends! Aww, who am I kidding? I have no friends. They are all dead…

"Ok then. This session is over early today. Jack, please come with me" the doctor said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whatever you sayyyy, doc!" I laughed.

She was probably going to make me apologize. What a joke! And I should know! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kia's POV

I closed my eyes, a cruel smile on my face. Life was not good; there was no reason to smile. That's why I was smiling. For no reason. I would probably bleed out, be found tomorrow when our next group session is. They will knock; eventually open the door when there is no answer. They will find me, lying in my own blood. Smiling. They would be upset, maybe some would cry. But all would move on. Forget about me; move on to bigger and better things in their lives.

But, where would I go? I don't really know. I guess I don't believe in the afterlife. You just, get buried. Black nothingness. It will be amazing for some, horrendous for others. For me, I would be just fine.

But that wasn't going to happen today. I heard the knocking again and sat straight up. I grabbed the paper towel, tying some around my wrist. I tried to clean up most of the blood as fast as I could, ending up just throwing stuff over it.

"Kia. It's Dr. Collins. I have Jack with me and he is here to apologize" she said through the door.

_'Yeah right!'_ the monster howled.

"Sure. Come in."

The door opened slowly, Dr. Collins head poked through. She smiled and opened the door wider. I could see Jack's face. He looked upset, like he really didn't want to be here. Oh well, I don't need him! UGH! He gets on my nerves! Why can't he just leave me alone!

"I am –sniffle- so terribly sorry! I feel so awful! –sniffles some more-"Jack was pretending to fake cry. God, what was wrong with this guy?

"Jack, be serious! You could have really hurt Kia's feelings!" Dr. Collins scolded.

"Why do you have to be so, ah… _serious _all the time, doc. Life would be no fun without laughter! Hahahahahehehe" Jack shouted.

"It's alright. I'm fine. I don't want an apology any way. Can you just go? I want to be alone" I pleaded.

"And alone you shall be if you keep pushing people away. But then again, who am I to talk?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jack went off into a fit of giggles and murmuring a few unrecognizable words. There was something seriously wrong with this guy!

"No. Jack must apologize for his terrible behavior. I know how you are and I know that that comment hurt you" Dr. Collins said.

"Alright. Whatever. Lay it on me."

"I am sorry… and stuff."

"For what, Jack."

"For…. Telling you the truth. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Jack!"

"Alright! I'm sorry for being mean to you and telling you that you are going to be alone for the rest of your life."

Wow. He actually sounded sincerer. What bullshit!

"Wow. Gee, thanks. Can you go now?"

I could feel the paper towel around my wrist become heavy, filling up with my blood.

"Yes. We can go now. See you tomorrow Kia" Dr. Collins said.

"Bye. See you tomorrow."

"Bye bye, _Kia. _See you tomorrow, darling! Hahahaha!"

That was weird. Why did he call me that? And why did I find it….kind of sexy?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- A Dance Without my Mask

"'_Cause I don't want you to know where I am _

_Cause then you'll see my heart _

_In the saddest state it's ever been _

_This is no place to try and live my life"_~ Relient K "Who I am Hates Who I've Been"

Kia's POV

I wasn't sad after that, wasn't angry. The monster didn't say anything or keep repeating Jacks harsh words. I was thankful for that. The only thing on my mind was Jack. He did kind of sound sincere about his apology. Why was he here? What had he done to land himself in this horrific prison?

Was he really the angel I was waiting for?

Mother used to make me say a prayer before bed every night when I was little. She would always say the same thing before turning off the lights and closing my door.

"Goodnight, love. Always remember, the angels are watching over you."

As I got older, it seemed less likely that the angels actually cared about me. It had seemed that God had forgotten about me. So I stopped believing in that kind of stuff.

But could Jack be my guardian angel? Is he what I have been waiting for?

_Of course not! Listen to yourself, Kia! He didn't even want to apologize in the first place! The guy has much bigger things to worry about than some girl like you. Just get over him and focus on your progress. You want to get out of here, don't you?_

Of course I want to get out of here! I hate this place. I can't wait to break free of this dark part of the world.

I can't imagine what life will be like after I get out of here. I would probably move away, leave this town behind and never look back. Everyone probably knows that about me. "That's the girl who tried to kill herself but failed and then went to the Loony bin" they would whisper as I walked by. I can't take all their whispers. The cuts might literally kill me. And we wouldn't want that, now would we?

Did you detect the sarcasm?

Yeah, I put it there for a reason. I don't really care about my end. I have not cared for a while. It could come at any time. I found a quote a long time ago that stays at the back of my mind.

"_You cannot fear death if you have nothing to live for"_ ~ anonymous

It defines me. I don't fear death and I have nothing to fear. But, it always makes me ask myself a question that I may never know the answer too. If I had something to live for, would I start to fear death? I guess I might find out the answer to it but I don't know. Maybe I will never find someone or something to fill the black hole inside the useless organ I call a heart. And with that I fell asleep to the beating of that black, empty heart.

I awoke to the knocking again, it was like a personal alarm. I got up and went to the door of my cell. They escorted me down the hallway that never changes. When I got in, I was the last one to come in. Everyone started looking at me, I felt like I was in school again. I was always late to class to and everyone would stare at me when I finally got there.

"Kia. Glad you could make it" the doctor said. I hurried to sit down, keeping my eyes lock on the floor.

"Okay. So today we are taking a little trip outside. I think it would be good for us to get some air. The guards have set up cones as a boundary and you cannot cross them. If you do, you are going straight back inside. Understand?"

Oh my God. She listened to me. Wow. That's a first.

"Now everyone line up at the door and we will go in a moment."

We all got in a line. "I swear they are treating us like kids!"

Jack's POV

There it is! My opportunity! Time to get out of here. I can run when they aren't looking. I believe we are located close to the-

"I swear they are treating us like kids!"

I stopped. Oh no. Why did she have to talk?! Now I really don't know if I want to leave….

_Yes! You do want to leave! Don't let this stupid girl get in your way! You can do it. We just gotta run!_

You're right! I want to leave. She can rot for all I care!

But I can help her, right?

Yes. I had to help her. Then I could leave.

But, how was I going to help her? I don't even know what her problem is; let alone how I could help. Oh, this is going to be just great.

Well, I only have an hour to help her and get out of here. Ugh!

Kia's POV

I rushed to the tree outside her window, the one I saw yesterday. I lay down under it and closed my eyes, the winds sweet music filling my ears. She hasn't forgotten me! She just was sad without me, she didn't know where I was. Well, here I am. And I'm ready for the ball.

I could see it know. My dress was dark red with black under the skirt. My mask was black and hid my face well. I sat down at a table, scanning the room. People were dancing, laughing, and having a great time. That was all I needed to know. I was watching one couple dance, admiring the way they moved together. I want that. I want to have someone to dance with.

Just then a man stepped into my line of view, blocking out the couple. He offered his hand and I got butterflies in my stomach. I smiled and placed my red gloved hand into his. He smiled at me, a beautiful smile that made everyone else smile no matter the situation or setting. He put his hand around my waist and it felt like it belonged there. Our bodies pressed together, we started to dance. In no time we were moving as one. Everyone stepped back and we waltz all over the dance floor. All I could do was look into his beautiful eyes. They were a dark brown, blending in with his pupil. His smile seemed unlike anyone else's. And then he stopped and moved the hand I was holding to his face. He lifted the mask, revealing his face.

"_Darling"_ he said, his hand on my cheek. I looked at his face in horror.

Jack.

That's Jack! I gotta get out of here. I ran, never looking back.

I wasn't stopping for anything.

Until something physically stopped me. I ran into someone, someone hard.

I looked up and saw that I was not at the ball; I was outside, away from my tree. I looked back at the person I ran into.

"Kia. What's the problem?"

That voice. I just ran from that voice. Oh, that sweet voice. It's haunting me!

"Jack? Oh….um….. Sorry" I said. I was right at his chest, my hands on his shoulders and his hands on mine. It was amazing. Oh no.

"It's okay. What's wrong?"

Why is he being so nice to me? I thought he hated me.

"Well, I was just… ummmm…..I was just sitting under that tree over there, you know, that one" I said pointing to the tree.

"Uh-huh. I know what tree you're talking about. Spit it out. I don't have all day" he said. There was that hatred for me.

Somehow, I didn't feel better knowing that I had found it again. I felt worse, hurt in some way knowing that he still didn't like me.

"I was sitting there and I fell asleep. A squirrel was in the tree and it just scared me. That's all. Don't worry about me" I grumbled walking away. I felt disappointment creep up on me, wrapping its ugly hands around my throat, choking the hope of something more from this friendship. If you can even call it that.

"Oh. Okay. Poor squirrel probably thought you were taking his nuts! Hahahahahaha!"

"Yeah. Very funny" I mumbled, walking past him as he kept on laughing.

"Hey! Wait up! I'm not done talking to you! Kia!"

Why was he following me?

"What do you want, Jack?"

"Let's talk. I don't know anything about you and I might as well make some friends while I'm here."

"Why me? Why not Shelly or… someone else?!"

"Hahahaha. You're funny, besides, Shelly hates me. I don't blame her though! Hahahahahahahahaha!"

He went on laughing again. He's right. Why not make a friend while I'm stuck here.

_No Kia. Don't do it. He will only get hurt. You only hurt people. It's time you pay for that!_

Oh no. why can't you just leave me alone! I'm so sick of you and your lies about me! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

"I'm not in your head. Sorry to disappoint! Hahaha" Jack said between laughs.

Oh. I must have said that out loud. Oh well.

"Come on. I know the best place for us to talk." Jack grabbed my wrist and dragged me off in another direction.

"Jack, wait. I don't think this is a good idea" I protested.

"Nonsense! We can be the best of friendssssss" he said, popping his 't' and hissing out the 's'. I don't understand this man. Why can't he just go away?

_Because you don't want him too._

Shut up. Of course I want him gone. He is so weird and….. Crazy.

_Kind of like you?_

How would you know?

_You are asking the voice in your head for proof that you are crazy?_

Shut up.

Jack yanked me down under a tree, right by a cone.

"Don't go past that! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a joke! Hehehehehehe."

I looked at some of the other patients to see that they were just sitting there. Except this one who was trying to chase something invisible. God I got to get out of here.

"So, what did you do to get in here?"

And here come the memories.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hi. I hope you guys like it so far. Just a little warning. It gets depressing in this chapter! Let me know what you think!

Chapter 5- The Memories That Haunt My Mind

"_She stands in the mirror,_

_She looks less alive,_

_She lifts up her shirt to see she has five,_

_Branded fingers on her side, _

_She is feeling it all now,_

_But she doesn't cry" _~ He Is We "Too Beautiful"

Kia's POV

_Flash back_

_It was never always like this. I used to have friends and I used to be like a normal girl. Until middle school. It all went downhill from there. Everyone started picking on me, calling me terrible names. What had I done to deserve that? I did not know. But I kept apologizing for it. I would scream it so hard that I could barely talk the next day. But in high school is where things got…. Messy._

_It was junior year. I had been thinking about a way out lately. Everything got worse at school and home. Dad left when I was 14 and mom took up some nasty habits after he left. Then Steve came. He was great in the begging, but now, he is not Mr. Nice Guy anymore. In fact, that day I was hiding more than a couple of bruises from good ole Steve._

_I went to school, knowing it was my last day. I cleaned out my locker as much as I could. I have had the letter written for a while now, saving it for the right moment. I knew today was the day, I could feel it. It was a beautiful day out, warm and sunny._

_I got through all my classes. I had a feeling that, somehow, everyone could feel it. They could just feel that my end was near. So they left me alone. And for that I was grateful. I came home to an empty house that night, Steve and mom both at work. I cleaned my room, making it look nice for everyone who was going to be in there to find me. By then it would be too late to do anything. I went to the bathroom._

_I had big dark circles under my eyes. I didn't look like I did when I was a kid. Sure I was born with black as night hair, but I wasn't born with the red that runs through it too. Kind of like the blood on my black carpet. Everything reminded me of what I was about to do. When I was looking at myself, I felt the whole weight of this coming down on me. And I smiled. Darkness was finally going to consume me and take away all the pain and leave nothing but a numb feeling. Peace._

_Grabbing the blade from inside my letter, I held it in my hand. It was a new one, never been used before. I put the letter on my desk, making sure people would notice it was there._

"_Good bye all my friends,_

_Good bye all my foes,_

_Good bye all my hopes,_

_And good bye all my woes,_

_Good bye all my dreams,_

_I am ripping the seams,_

_And even though it seems,_

_That I'm leaving too soon,_

_We shall meet again,_

_Beyond the stars and the moon"_

_That was my good bye lullaby. I would say it every night before I went to bed._

_The first cut is always the deepest. It was only two cuts that were going to take away a whole life. Blood was everywhere. I heard yelling and screaming a few seconds after. But I don't remember much after the yelling because all went black. 'This is the end' I thought. I thought wrong._

_When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I was told that they saved me, that my mom found me and called 911. My mom was crying, my family was there. But I could feel all of their judging gazes burning through my body. They were looking at me as if I had done something much worse than anything you could possibly imagine._

_A few weeks later I was put into the asylum. They told me I had started talking to myself, that I had started throwing tantrums. They said I would get help here. But how would they know what it's like to be pushed away? That doesn't help someone that only needs love. Trust me._

The Letter

_Dear world,_

_You go on spinning, round and round each day. You hold so many lives. Each day some are born and some die. Today is my day to do both. I will die and be reborn. I will be reborn into something much better than I am now. So keep on spinning. I promise, you won't know I'm gone._

_Dear family and friends, _

_I remember one time when grandma and grandpa were going to go away for a trip. I was five and I loved them both dearly. I didn't want to say good bye to them. So grandpa told me a secret._

_He said, "Let's not say good bye, for we will see each other again. Let's say 'see you soon' instead. We will see each other soon, my pet. Good bye is much longer than soon, so we shall not say it." _

_Well, I can't promise that I will see you all soon, maybe I will never see you again. So I can't say that. I must say good bye._

_I have said my good byes. To myself and to all of you even if you don't know it, but now you will know that I said my good byes because this letter is one, big, finale goodbye. Now mom, please don't cry. "Life is too short for tears and sadness" you always said. You should follow your own advice. No, do not shed a tear for me because this is what I want. You know I was never right in the head, but what you don't know is that I was picked on for it. Don't worry about the details, don't feel guilt for not seeing it sooner. It is not your fault. It was mine. It's my fault that my life is over. Not yours._

_No one knows that you have been living with a mask of my fake self. You will never know who I really am, but that's ok. You wouldn't want to know her, trust me. She is not who you would think .I don't want you to think of me as her. I don't know who I am, never did. But that's ok. I don't think I want to find out. That's why I am ending it before I get the chance to meet her._

_Don't worry mom, the angels are watching over me and will guide me to where I am supposed to go. I love you all._

_Good bye,_

_Kia Marie Blackmoore_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Falling Asleep in More Ways Than One

"_He said "I'll avenge my lover tonight",_

_And she cried,_

_Kiss it all better,_

_I'm not ready to go,_

_It's not your fault, love_

_You didn't know,_

_You didn't know"~ _He Is We "Kiss it All Better"

Jack's POV

She had a distant look on her face, like she was looking through an open window to see her lonely past. She looked hurt and started getting pale. Then, the window closed and she snapped back into reality.

"Well, I…. I don't really know" she said quickly.

Lie.

I knew it was a lie. She was avoiding looking at me, and I had a feeling that this time, it wasn't the scars on my face, by my mouth, that she was avoiding. It was her own. Unlike mine, hers are inside herself. But I have a feeling that she's got some outside ones too.

"Well okay then."

"How did you get here?"

"Isn't it obvious? My ways of thinking are… socially unacceptable. See, I believe the world should burn. It's a long story but, people think I'm crazy. But I'm not. I'm not!"

The world is so… funny. Everyone's always got their plans and rules to live by and they think that everything will happen according to plan. I am here to mess up those plans that were made and push people to break their rules. I am here to bring chaos to Gotham, to mess up the order. I am here to bring on the push that will bring madness to everyone's lives.

"That sounds interesting. I want to hear more sometime. Promise me you'll tell me more?"

I looked her over for a while. She had brilliant green eyes that were brought out more by the dark circles around her eyes. She wasn't tall and only came up to my shoulder. Why would this girl want to know about my views?

Kia's POV

He was silent, studying me. I squirmed under his gaze, uncomfortable by the silence.

Jack is a very handsome man. He has long, curly blondish brown hair with a green tint in it. He is extremely pale. His scars scare me but I think I'm getting used to them. On the contrary, I think they show who he is. They tell me about his past and how much he overcame, and all in a good way. A smile.

"Alright. Sure. We will have to find some time to talk some more" Jack finally said.

I smiled and looked around. I saw that the rest of my group was getting ready to go inside.

"Well, I guess we should probably get going. The hour is up" Jack said standing up.

See you soon, wind. I promise.

We went back inside with everyone else but we mainly stayed close to each other. We got back in and we were free to go back to our cells. Soon it was just me and Jack standing in the empty hallway.

"We have rec. time tomorrow. Can we talk then?"

"Sure Kia. We can talk more tomorrow. I'll be waiting. Until tomorrow" he said walking away.

God tomorrow was going to be a good day. I could feel it.

Jack's POV

Just got to get through the rest of today and tomorrow, I will see her again.

Oh no. I forgot about getting out! What am I supposed to do now?!

_Stupid boy. You messed it up, through it all away for a girl._

Shut up! I don't your 'I told you so' right now!

_Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! But I did indeed tell you so._

Ugh. Now how am I supposed to get out of here? I don't think I can take this place anymore! And it's all her fault! Who does she think she is? God's gift to men? I don't think so!

You know she doesn't think that, Jack. It's not like that at all. Quite the opposite, actually…

Whatever. I still don't know how I'm gonna get out. This place is maddening, these people are insane.

_Hahahaha! That's why they're here Jack!_

I have had enough of you today! Shut it! I'm going to bed!

_Sweet dreams, Jack. Hahahahahahahahahaha!_

Ugh! Go. AWAY!

Kia's POV

Back in my blackened prison, I feel the need to just… think. I don't really like those quiet moments where all I'm left with is my thoughts, but this time is different. I don't think the monster will come out this time.

God has a weird way of finding his way into my life. I might actually start to believe in that stuff. I mean, it won't become my entire life or anything, but maybe I do have angels watching over me. My mom used to take me to church every Sunday a year before my dad left. We usually didn't go to church before that, didn't really talk about God. But after we went to church that one time, my mom had a complete turnaround. She said that we should praise God, that we should be thankful. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful. But, I guess I am just the type to only believe what I see.

My mom always made me say a prayer before bed, but that was even before church. After that she made us pray before eating and when we woke up every morning. She even wore a cross around her neck and kept a Bible on the book shelf. I had always wondered why she started all this church stuff, but until now, I never had an idea why. Now I think I got it.

I think she got into the stuff because she and dad weren't getting along any more. Dad would be gone for hours at a time and mom would stay in her room. I would just play in my room, thinking everything was okay. But I guess it wasn't. I know that now.

Must have fallen asleep. I woke up with sweat running down my face, covers thrown across the room. I had the worst nightmare_. But it was only a dream. Go back to sleep, Kia….._

_We were walking from the restaurant, arms wrapped around each other. God he was an amazing man. In all the years I have known him, he just keeps getting better. I don't know what I would do without my Jack…_

_We walked around the corner to get to the car. Then, out of the shadows, a man jumps out. Jacks hold on me tightens._

"_What do you want from us" Jack says._

"_Give me your wallet!"_

_The guy pulled out a gun, cocking it. Jack put himself in front of me, blocking my view._

"_Jack" I whispered. Oh God. I had a bad feeling about this._

"_I don't wanna hurt you, man! Just give me the wallet!"_

"_Alright, alright."_

_Jack reached in his pocket for his wallet. Oh no. "Jack don't!" I whispered. But it was too late._

_He pulled out his knife and went to go stab the guy but the strange man was too fast. I saw him pull the trigger and my legs reacted. I leaped in front of Jack. I couldn't let my love die like that…_

_I hardly felt anything, didn't even know if it hit me or not. But it did. I was going to die. But as I looked at Jack, I knew it was worth it. Jack was safe._

"_No, no. NO! Kia. Kia, stay with me" Jack sobbed. He tried to stop the bleeding but it was no use._

"_Jack, darling, don't cry. I am okay as long as you are okay. I love you so much. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. I may not want to die, but I would rather die than see you hurt. It's not your fault, my love. We will meet again soon. I love you, Jack"._

_Then, all went black._

_"NO! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME ALONE HERE! I WILL DIE WITHOUT YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME! STAY WITH ME! PLEASE!"_

_Jack gave out a horrible cry._

_He cried for a while. Then, just like a light switch, his pain and sadness was gone, replaced by only revenge and anger. He would avenge his angel if it killed him…_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey. So, Rorschach in Blue Jeans. First off, thank you so much for everything! I love that you reviewed on that because it helps me know what I can do to make this story better. Secondly, yes, that part was a nightmare. From now on I will label that stuff as best as I can. Sorry for the confusion! Thanks for reading! Let me know if there is anything else you think I should change in a review or just PM me.

Now, to every one else. I am really sorry if you don't like my Jack/Joker in this chapter. I know he is little OC right now, but I will try my best to stick to his personality later on in the story. Thanks to everyone who is reading this! I am going to shut up now and let you keep reading! Enjoy.

Chapter 7- How Can You Help Someone Who Can't be Saved?

_"Alright, you win, but I only give you one night,_

_To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight_

_And I swear to God if you hurt me,_

_I will leap_

_I will toss myself from these very cliffs_

_And you'll never see it coming"_

_"Settle precious, I know what you're going through,_

_Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"_~ The Spill Canvas "Self Conclusion"

Kia's POV

Nothing hasn't changed, as expected. The patients were yelling for freedom, pounding on the walls. Anything they can to get out. Some are talking, muttering words to the voices in their heads. Nothing will ever change.

As we walk into the rec. room, I see a limited amount of things to do. I know that it's not a playground for recess or anything, but the least they could do is give these crazy people something to occupy their time, besides be locked up in a dark cell.

I didn't see Jack there yet so I sat down and grabbed us a table in the corner. I scanned the room. Most of the patients were doing weird things like dancing to music in their heads or talking to someone who isn't there. Except this one girl who was coming over to me.

She had snow white hair and she was pretty skinny and short. She sat down across from me and didn't say anything.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes. Yes you can."

"Well I'm no doctor, lady" I said. Who does she think I am?

"I know. But you are like me. You're not really crazy."

"We are all a little crazy sometimes. What's your name?"

"Luna. Yours?"

"Kia. Why are you here?"

"Not important. All you need to know is that I want to get out of here. I think you can help me" she whispered.

"Well I don't really know you so how can I help?"

"I don't really know yet. All I know is that I have a feeling we are meant to help each other" Luna said.

I think I could really learn to like this girl.

"Well, if I'm gonna help you, I gotta know who I'm helping. So, question time."

"Alright. Bring it on! Do your worst!"

By the time I got through all my questions, we were laughing like we would be friends forever. And then I heard it.

"_Excuse me_. But that's my seat that you are sitting in, Luna. I would like it back, if you don't mind."

Jack's POV

Luna was sitting in my seat. This was supposed to be my time with Kia, not Luna's! Ugh! Today is supposed to be a good day! Today is the day where I get Kia on my side. I don't need Luna to mess it up.

"Yeah, sure. Ok well, I will see you later, Kia. Good bye, Jack."

She walked out of the rec. room and probably back to her cell. Finally. More alone time with Kia.

"Hi Jack. How's it going?"

"It's going peachy, thank you for asking. Now, I believe I have a theory to tell you about."

"I believe you do" she smiled.

God, that smile is going to kill me.

Wait, what did you just say? I can't like her smile! I can't like anything about her! Stop it, Jack!

"Anyways, as I was saying last time, I believe the world should burn, that it should be destroyed. See, when the chips are down, these people will turn on each other. They will turn into animals; they are not as innocent as the batman thinks. Deep down, everyone is just looking out for themselves. The world is a funny place."

"So, you think that the world should burn and everyone should die?"

"Yes. Yes I do. People are terrible on the inside. And they have all these plans and rules that they live by. Well, I don't have any rules. Rules and plans are for people who need control over everything. I am here to show people that chaos is not a bad thing. I am here to deliver that chaos. To them, I am socially unacceptable because I don't follow their rules and I don't fit into their petty plans. That's why they locked me up. People don't care if someone gets hurt, as long as their rules aren't broken and things are still going according to plan."

She took a minute to let it sink in. She looked like she really was considering the idea.

"That's an interesting mind set. I can see where you are coming from. And you are right."

Wait. Did she just agree with me? Wow. This can't be happening!

"You- You agree with me? Seriously?"

"Why do you have to be so serious all the time, Jack. You said it yourself, life would be no fun without laughter" she quoted.

"Haha. Very funny."

"It was at the time" she giggled.

It was beautiful. Her laugh, her giggle. Her everything.

Oh, who was I kidding! She was amazing! And I bet she didn't even know it…

It's now or never Jack. Do it.

"So what's the real reason you are here? I know you were lying to me yesterday. Tell me the truth. I want to know" I said suddenly.

She was dead silent, her face losing its color. I hit a big nerve. What happened to this silent girl?

Kia's POV

Ugh. Why, why did he have to ask that question? I don't want to talk about it!

_Yes you do. Mother always said that talking about it could help._

Well, mothers can be wrong sometimes!

"Well, ummmm… life wasn't….. good."

"And…? What happened _exactly_?"

Why did he have to be so difficult!?

"Well, Steve, my step father, wasn't very… shall we say, nice, to me. Or my mother. And my mom did nothing about it. So, I wasn't very good to myself and… I guess I went crazy" I said really fast. I hoped he wouldn't catch any of it. Of course, he caught all of it.

"Wait, wait, hold up. You weren't being good to yourself? You mean cutting?"

"…Yes" I whispered.

He looked dumbfounded. Then I saw pity in his eyes. How dare he feel pity for me.

"I don't expect you to say anything, but don't look at me with pity. That is the last thing I need" I said fiercely.

"You tried didn't you?" he whispered.

"What does it matter to you, anyway!? You don't even know me!" I half yelled. Who does he think he is to get into my personal life!?

"I am just trying to help you!"

"I don't need your help or your pity! Keep it to yourself and use it on someone who really needs it."

"You know, I wanted to help you. I wanted to be nice and see if there was anything I could do.

But you! You just push me out! If you keep pushing everyone out, there will be no one left to push!"

"SHUT UP! You don't know _anything_, Jack!"

"Well you know what,_ Kia_, I would know if you told me!"

"Why do you want to help me?!"

"Because you need it! I can see it in your eyes! Do you want help, Kia? Huh? Do you want my help? Or should I just be another name on the list of people you have pushed away?!"

I stopped. Does he really want to help me? Do I need it?

"_Everyone needs help sometimes, Kia" _

My dad used to say that to me when I was stubborn and wouldn't except help from him. I insisted that I could do, even if I knew, deep down, that I really couldn't. Then he would smile and say that. Then he would help me.

Yes. I did need help. And now that he's offering, I'm pushing him away. Just like I used to push my dad away. I regret it now. I should have let my dad help me. Should I let Jack help me?

If I don't, I know I will regret it. What do I have to lose?

"No. no, I don't want you on that list" I whispered.

"So, you want my help?"

"Yes."

"Good. I think I can help you better than these doctors here. But first, you need to tell me what happened."

And so I did. I told him everything. I told him how kids used to bully me, how my dad left, how I used to… cut, how Steve used to beat me. Everything.

He listened throughout all of it. He did interrupt me or get bored with what I was saying. He looked interested. Could he really help me? I guess I will find out.

Jack's POV

This girl has gone through so much. Everything was weighing on her, and they sent her here.

They sent her away as if they didn't want her, as if it wasn't their problem anymore. How dare

they!

How _dare_ they send away _my_ Kia!

I could rip apart every single one of them.

Rip them limb from limb.

Tear off their heads.

Watch as the blood flows out of their body for the last time.

Watch as their last breath is being drawn into their crushed lungs.

And I would feel no guilt or remorse for these people.

They deserve it for what they have done.

Every single one of them will pay.

_With their lives, apparently. _

Yes. With their lives. Nothing less.

_Good! Get angry! They have hurt her! They have hurt her so bad that she almost died! Yes, Jack. Get angry. Let her pain fuel your rage. Take away her pain…._

It's right. I must take away her pain. I _must_.

And I will.

Oh I will.

It will be such a _sweet _revenge.

Their blood will be shed, all over the place.

But it won't just be me inflicting the pain that she felt.

No. She will be there too.

Blood on her face, on her hands.

She will smile that beautiful smile.

But something will be different about it.

It will be lighter.

Brighter.

Her life will be so much better knowing they have paid.

Yes, I will make them pay.

_We_ will make them pay.

All in good time.

That's it! I gotta bring Kia with me when I leave here. She can become my partner! We can burn the world together. Perfect.

I could see it now. Flames licking at our heals as we walk across the earth, hand in hand. Paradise.

Kia's POV

Jack was silent. A sadistic smile creeping upon his features. What was he thinking about? Was I right to tell him this story?

Or was it a grave mistake?

"Jack? Are you ok?" I asked softly.

"Oh, I'm fine. Better than ever, actually." He said, his voice was deep. Evil.

It gave me shivers.

I smiled. "What are you thinking about, Jack?"

"You don't need to worry about that now. When you need to know, you will know every gruesome detail."

The sound of his voice, the way he said it, made me want to know what he had planned. At that moment, I felt as if I could have given my life to him, letting him do whatever he wants with it. Whether it be to shatter it or he keep it as his own, I would be totally ok with.

But I wasn't totally ok with this feeling. The last time I felt it was with…

_NO!_ I can't even say his name. It is fowl and disgusting!

Just forget it Kia. Don't even think about it. Think about something else. Like…

Jack.

Jack is amazing. He is so handsome, brilliantly handsome. He is so smart and he makes me laugh, makes everybody laugh. He has this personality about him, I love it. He never lets anything get to him, is always blocking off hits with a smile and a laugh. I wish I could be like that. I am always taking the hits, always letting them hurt me in the worst possible ways. Why can't I have someone like Jack who can be my block?

_Maybe you can._

And maybe I can't! Jack doesn't like me like that. He has lots of other things to worry about. He wouldn't have time to pick up the pieces that used to be my heart and soul. He wouldn't want to either. Nobody does. Nobody will.

_Oh please! Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get over it, Kia! You will be forever alone. Get it through your thick head and move on!_

Please, just stop. Please….

"Kia. Are you alright? Don't cry, darling" Jack said, getting up and pulling me into his lap.

I put my head on his shoulder and my whole world shattered right there, in his lap.

"Shush, shush, shush. I can help you. Don't cry, my dear. Everything will be ok. I promise" Jack whispered. That just made me cry more!

Jack's POV

_I can't stand it when she cries!_

Oh they will pay BIG time!

I will find the most painful of ways to die.

They will find their pathetic, boring lives coming to a horrifying end.

Very soon.

I usually don't know what to do when someone cries, but with Kia, it came naturally. I rocked her and whispered in her ear. I could feel the sobs racking through her body, each one fueling my fire of rage. But somehow, I managed to keep the rage inside, leaving softness on the outside.

When she stopped crying, she smiled up at me with puffy eyes. She mouthed a 'thank you' to me and I smiled and nodded at her. It was no problem.

"You know, it really hurts me when you cry. I don't like to see you cry. Please, don't be sad anymore. Be happy. Smile for me" I whispered. I don't know where this was all coming from. It was so weird. I was having dark thoughts of her families' demise, but on the outside I was calm, soft, and even happy when she finally gave me a smile that reached her beautiful bright green eyes.

"I'm tired" she whispered, her voice soft and delicate.

"Well then I think it's time you go to sleep, my precious. Come on. I will take you to your cell."

"What about the guards?"

"Don't worry about them" I smiled. I looked over at them and saw that they were dragging a patient out of the room. Luna! Apparently she needed to take her medicine but she refused. I could tell this by her screaming "I Will Not Take My Medicine! Get Your Hands Off Me You Hairy Chimps!" I smiled at this. She could be so funny at times. Now was my chance.

"Come on!" I whispered. I took her small hand in mine and pulled her out into the hall and to her cell.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- Look at What You Have Done to Me

"_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile,_

_Because you make it hard to breath,_

_Why do you do this to me?"~_ Secondhand Serenade "Why"

Jack's POV

I got tired of just holding her hand and she started to slow down. We couldn't get caught. So picked her up and ran. She squeaked in surprise but then was giggling with joy. I smiled. I'm glad I can make her happy.

When we got to her room, I set her down and opened the door for her.

"Well, this is my stop. Thanks Jack. For everything."

"Don't thank me now. You haven't seen it all yet!" I laughed.

"Well, thanks for everything so far then!" she laughed.

"You're welcome so far. Hahahahahahahahahaha!"

We laughed a little bit longer. Then we both looked up and smiled.

"When will I see you again?" she whispered.

"We will see each other tomorrow" I smiled. She still wanted to see me.

"Jack. Are we friends now?"

"Of course, Kia."

"Good. Well, I will see you tomorrow! Bye bye Jack!"

"Bye Kia. See you tomorrow."

And maybe in my dreams…

Kia's POV

He is being so nice to me now. Why?

Oh well. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. Who knows when it will be when he discovers how ugly I really am?

I walked into my dark prison, but it didn't feel as dark. I don't know how to explain it. It was like a light had followed me into my cell. Weird.

I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I was out like a light…

Nightmare

_I was walking down the hall to my session but I didn't see anyone here. There was no screaming, no banging. No guards, and no doctors apparently. Where did everybody go?_

_Now was my only chance to get out! I ran to the doors and outside. No one stopped me. I looked outside, but something was different._

_The skies were black, making everything hard to see. Then I heard that voice._

"_Kia" Jack said._

"_Jack! Come on! Let's get out of here!" I yelled at him, turning around to see him a few feet behind me. _

_The winds picked up, blowing both our hair into our faces. Jack didn't move to fix his hair as I struggled to get it out of my eyes so I could see him._

"_What are you waiting for? Let's go!"_

"_I'm not going anywhere with you" he whispered._

"_What?" I yelled, making sure I heard him right. I thought we were friends._

"_I am not going anywhere with you! You are filthy! I can't even believe I fucking talked to you! You make me sick!" he yelled, coming closer to me._

"_Jack. What are you talking about? I thought we were friends?" Tears were welling up in my eyes. Why was he saying this to me?_

"_I am no friend of yours! I would die before being your friend!"_

"_Jack. Please. Please, just stop" I sobbed. I feel to my knees. I couldn't take it anymore. How could I have thought he would want to be my friend? Stupid!_

"_No! You deserve pain! You don't deserve me! I am so much better than you and we both know it!"_

"_I know, Jack. I'm so sorry…"_

"_If you knew, why didn't you stop talking to me instead of making me think you were worth my time?! God, you are so selfish! How dare you!?"_

"_I'm sorry Jack" I whispered, my throat feeling dry and closed off. I felt like all the air was rushing out of my lungs and it wouldn't come back in .Probably to disgusted by the sight of me. Just like Jack is…._

"_You aren't truly sorry. But you will be. One day, Kia. You will be truly sorry for what you have done to me and the people around you" he hissed._

_Oh God. But I am sorry. So very sorry…._

Jack's POV

I had only been in my cell for five minutes when I heard it. Her scream. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but she was screaming. And banging. Hard.

The guards ran to her cell, thrusting open the door. I went to my small bared window in the door. Then I heard something that made my stomach turn and my blood boil.

"JACK! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Help me!"

I banged on my door.

"LET ME OUT! I GOTTA HELP HER! LET ME OUT NOW!"

The guards ran over to my cell. By now I was banging so hard that my hands were bleeding. I had to help Kia…

"This better not be a trick" they warned.

"Let him out now!" Dr. Collins yelled

The door swung open so fast, it almost hit the guards in the face! I ran passed them, sprinting like my life depended on it. Did it?

I saw her. She was kicking and screaming and clawing at the guards trying to hold her down long enough to get the shot in her to knock her out cold. "Get out! Don't you touch her!" I screamed.

They stepped back the instant I said that. Good. She was my angel! Not theirs.

I ran over to her. I could hear her clearly now. "NO! JACK DON'T GO! IM SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"

"Shhh, shush. I am right here. Shh" I whisper, smoothing down her hair. Her forehead was burning up! Oh God. What's wrong with her? Why is she yelling my name? What did I do?

"Shhh. You're alright, Kia. It's ok now. You're fine. Everything's going to be ok. Shhhhhh" I whisper in her ear.

Her eyes shot open, kicking the blanket off and sitting straight up. "Oh God! Jack I am so sorry! I didn't mean it. Please forgive me…." She yelled. She through her arms around me and kept whispering how sorry she was in my neck.

"Shhh. Kia, it was a dream. It's ok now. I'm here."

I could feel her tears through my shirt. What is wrong? What have I done!?

_What did you do this time, Jack? _

I didn't do anything! I would never hurt her…

_Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're not goin' soft on me, are you Jack?_

I am NOT soft! I am just protecting a friend!

_A friend that you find attractive…_

Shut up! I am just helping her. That's all. Nothing more.

_And you can't settle for less with THAT fine of an ass!_

SHUT THE FUCK UP! I will kill you, I swear it!

_Whoa! I'm sorry! I didn't know she was yours. _

She not mine. She's nobodies. She is her own person. Now leave her alone!

_Whatever you say, Jack. But, if she's her own person and all, why do you want to make her yours so badly? _

Kia's POV

I couldn't stop crying. Poor Jack. I was ruining his shirt. And he doesn't even like me! God, I am such a terrible person…

Yes, you are. Finally! You are catching on!

Stop it. Leave me alone. I am just so tired. I could just fall asleep on his strong, soft shoulder. I don't need anything from you! Leave me alone. Please…

Look at you. Begging for me to leave you alone. Pathetic…

STOP! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I am so sick of you! Why can't it just be silent for once…?


	9. Chapter 9

**Rorschach in Blue Jeans**- Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! That makes me really happy that someone is actually reading and liking my story! Really hope you like this next one. It is kind of just a filler chapter. The next one is pretty deep though! Till next time! Thanks for reading

Chapter 9- Surrendering Myself to You

"_Sooner surrender,_

_Than watch the last wall collapse,_

_And sooner surrender,_

_And our love will count for everything,_

_In my sweetest dreams,_

_It's just you and me,_

_And we break wide,_

_I wake reminded love, _

_How I just gave up,_

_And how you moved on,_

_How you moved on" _~ Matt Nathanson "Sooner Surrender

Jack's POV

I stayed with her until she finally fell back to the place where her dreams live. I didn't want to leave or move after her breathing slowed down. So I stayed.

She was lying in my arms, her back against my chest. I could feel her broken heart beat out of the rhythm it is supposed to be at. The normal rhythm. But, then again, Kia was never really normal. No one is normal here. Only crazy people are trapped here.

Kia stirred a little but then went back to peaceful sleep. I wish I could sleep. I can't sleep. All I can do is listen to her screams as they play over and over again in my head like a broken record. Why does this girl affect me so? Why does she mean so much?

I am not supposed to fucking crack like this! I will not surrender this battle just because of a girl. I won't. Can't lose…

And with that, I fell into a restless sleep.

Kia's POV

When I woke up, I felt someone behind me. Jack of course. Why? Why did he stay? What's he gonna say when he wakes up? Will this change anything? Ugh. These questions are why girls have friends. To get answers and opinions. I need Luna. She is the closest thing I got to a friend in here.

But what about Jack? Is he asleep? I looked up to check when his deep brown eyes opened slowly and peered down at me. I smiled but he just kept on looking at me.

"Hi" I said meekly. Oh no. Here it goes. He's gonna tell me how fucking stupid and ugly and-

"Hi. Sleep well?"

"What? Oh ummm…. Yeah, I guess" I answered stupidly. Great. Way to prove his point of how stupid you are, Kia.

"Good. Well, I should probably get back to my cell. I don't even know how they let me stay in yours for so long!"

"Yeah, I have to go see Luna. But maybe we can talk again tomorrow at the meeting. See you soon?"

"Yu_p_. See you soon!" he said, popping his 'P'.

As I watch him walk out of my room and into the hall, I have a feeling of longing. Longing that he will take me with him when he sneaks back down the hall to his dark penitentiary. What his crime is, I might find out shortly.

I walk down the long dark hallway and went into the rec. room. I didn't know if she would be here, it was a long shot, but I had to try. Scanning the room, I didn't see her. But then I saw her white hair in the far corner. How could I miss that?

"Luna!" I called.

"Hey! Kia! I was waiting for you to come back. God, took you long enough" she said.

I pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. My thoughts wondered back to Jack. What was he doing now?

"How am I supposed to know? And what is this about being sorry? Girl, you are confusing me, speak up!"

"I didn't say anything" I said. Now, she was confusing me. I didn't say that out loud… did I?

"Yes, you did say that out loud. But you were mumbling, so I couldn't really tell what you were saying. I mean, I got the part about you being sorry… then you asked what he was doing now. Oh, and something about you eating shell fish? I don't really know. You were hard to hear. Now, what did you say?"

"Selfish. Me being selfish" I whispered. It was what he said in my dream. Oh God….

"Again with the mumbling. Speak louder! I don't have sonic hearing!" she yelled, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. It was nothing. Really, don't worry about it" I said louder.

"Alright. Just, please, tell me where you got shell fish. I love sea food!"

"I didn't get any. Sorry. I'll let know if I see any though."

"Hahaha! You're funny! But yes, please do let me know" she said seriously.

"Alright. I will. But anyways, I came here to talk to you."

"'Bout what?"

"About Jack" I said softly.

"Wait, did I hear you right? You want to know about the clown?"

"Clown? What do you mean?"

"That's why he is here. Somehow, out of the blue, this man shows up with a smile etched into his face with clown make up on and just robs and blows up a bank. He is not some rookie though. He had it all planned out. Was very sneaky about it too. My resources say that he was even smart enough to kill of the guys that went with him on the robbery. I guess he got caught. Don't know how, though. He was really sneaky. Seemed to know what he was doing…" she trailed off.

Jack? _The_ Jack? A fucking clown? Wow. And a criminal? A good one too, apparently…

"Any way, he always did have this… menace about him. Dark guy, that one is. He said stuff about watching Gotham burn and all. I, for one, really hope he doesn't burn us all to death. I do not want to be like log in a fire pit of doom, thank you very much" she finished and smiled at her own pun.

I didn't see the humor in it though.

"Wow. How come I didn't know that?"

"Because. You apparently didn't squeeze it out of him yet, if you ever will get anything out of that guy. He seems like the type to keep to himself, don't know how he ended up talking to you… but I have people on the outside. See I like to know what's going on. I guess I am the wall flower if Gotham. I know what's going on, yet I don't interact."

"Ok. But why haven't they gotten you out?"

"Why would they? I like it in here. Plus, with him in here, it will make things a lot more interesting. That is, until he leaves…"

"What?"

"Joker never stays in one place for too long. Got to always move. You would have thought that he would be out of here by now… god, that man is so unpredictable. Wonder what it's like to be his doctor…?"

"Wait, wait. Back up. Joker?"

"Yeah. That's what he calls himself. The Joker. Kinda got a nice ring to it. I mean, for a guy like that."

"Is that all you know?"

"Yup. The rest you will have to get straight from the clowns mouth! Hahahah!"

"Alright. I think I will. Thanks so much Luna" I said getting up.

"Hey! Be careful. He might not like talking about it. Watch yourself. This guy is dangerous and a killer, none the less."

"Thanks for the concern Luna" I said waving her off.

I can't wait until tomorrow. I need to know now. I headed off quietly in the direction of _Jokers_ room. Here we go.

Jack's POV

As I get back to my room, I have this urge to just… scream. I feel that horrific rage well up in me. Why I'm angry? That's a mystery to even me.

I thrash around, my fist hitting anything they can, the room filling with my growls and manic laughter. Must be that 'manic disorder' I have. That's number 53 on the list of all my disorders that the doctors have given me so far. Maybe that one they got right! I feel great and my knuckles are bleeding! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_ARRRRRR! Who the fuck does she think she is?!_

Kia?

_YES! Who else would I be talking about?!_

Gee, sorry. Why are you mad at her? What did she do?

_She is making you soft! Soft things burn, Jack. Or have you forgotten?_

A horrid feeling comes into my mind. Burning. And I was. All over my fucking body. I felt like I was in a desert, only it just kept getting hotter and hotter. Excruciating pain took over my body, the flames licking at my skin while I screamed in pain and glee at the same time. This time, I am feeling more terrified than excited. Oh God. Can't let that happen. Not again.

_You do remember, don't you Jack? Of course. How could you forget?! Hahaha! You had to bathe in aloe for like a week! You stupid fucking boy! You should know that you will burn like the rest if you turn soft on me. Soft like that girl. She will burn!_

No! No, she WON'T! I won't let you burn her!

_Good luck with that._

AHHHHHHHHH! I will kill you! I swear it!

I screamed so hard, my throat felt like I skinned it with a potato skinner. Blood was flowing freely from my hands, splattering the walls and floor. My body was shrieking with pain and protest when I finally lay down. God, I am so tired. Tired of _him_. Tired of having these violent episodes. All I need was some little sleep…

I just hope that I can keep Kia from burning with the rest of the world….

Kia's POV

Busted.

They fucking caught me.

But apparently they didn't even know it. They were looking for me any way. Thank God.

They told me that Dr. Collins wanted to see me. Couldn't she have waited until our session tomorrow?

"I couldn't wait for our session tomorrow! I thought you would want to know right now!"

Well that answers my question. But what could possibly be so important that she has to tell me now?

I guess it's a good thing she likes answering my questions because she does. And I think it definitely could have waited till tomorrow.


End file.
